Have you ever noticed how scary the so called "classic" books really are? I'm sure that people can find literary value in them, but can we not find the same info/morals/lessons in better books? I have listed a few along with my personal interpretation of them.
Old Yeller by Fred Gipson
-This is basically
Cujo for children. Why has no one else recognized this? It teaches kids that their loyal friends/pets will turn on them and that life sucks always. Might as well tell them early right?
Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll
-I love this book, but let's be honest-it's either a really good trip or a terrifyingly awful one, depends on how you look at it. Don't depend on Disney cartoons for your opinions on this one. The original book has animal abuse (the pepper pig-am I right?) and depression (poor mock turtle).
A Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett
-This is another one where you can't rely on the movie for an accurate representation. In the movie Sarah Crewe's father didn't die in WW1 and rescued her and her friend from slavery and an early death from consumption. The book was a tragedy- Sarah's father dies in India and leaves her penniless. Then Sarah becomes a slave for Minchin- this goes on for years. Sarah's family fortune is eventually salvaged, but not before she endures years of abuse and gut wrenching poverty. At least it has a happy ending right? Kind of?
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| Imagine this part of the movie lasting 10 to 15 years. |
Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
-Anna teaches us that life is depressing, things will never go your way, and suicide is the only way out. How moving.
Walden by Henry Davidson Thoreau
-Before you freak out let me explain. Thoreau wanted to strip life down to the bare bones and then write about his experiences. The thing is, old Henry wasn't isolated in the slightest. In fact, he walked to the nearest town almost everyday. When you
look at the evidence it is easy to see that Walden is full of crap. It also took him a really long time to write this work and less than half of that time was actually spent at the cabin in the woods. This tells me that Thoreau was more excited about the
idea of going back to nature than actually doing it long term. He was, as my Grandfather would say, a non-hacker. Oo-rah!
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| Like this, only with more people and the smell of bullcrap lingering in the air. |
Where the Red Fern Grows by Wilson Rawls
- What is it with people writing about dogs that die? As a dog owner I take offense at this because it breaks my heart. Why are dead dogs considered classic? Is it supposed to help me understand the bond between man and canine? Cause I can get that from reading the Fred Basset comic in the Sunday paper. One of the dogs in this book is actually disemboweled while defending the main character, Billy. Is that supposed to make me feel all warm and fuzzy? I gotta tell you, all it makes me feel is sad and disgusted. Why can't these authors just let the dogs live? Then we could all be happy?
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| You think if these dog-killing authors really put their weight behind it they could be a bigger pain in my ass? |
Why do the classics have to be mostly about death, heartache and loss? What about the books that show us the joy and beauty found in life? Can't we teach those in school instead of some of the junk that crossed my desk in Junior High? Someone name a few good classics to make me feel better...
Did I mock your favorite book? Explain to me why it should be revered as a classic in the comments.
